Far, far away...

in a terrifying castle...

in the shadows of a mysterious land...



there a resides a man so terrifying, so destructive, so evil...young parents everywhere shudder at the thought of him.

His name is...COUNT CRAPULA



He preys on unwitting couples across this land with the one thing parents love...and hate. BABY PRODUCTS.

One night, as the Fitzgerald family slept peacefully, Count Crapula descended upon their home, carrying with him an assortment of baby products so hideous, proponents of Feng Shui across the globe cowered in fear.



With reckless abandon, he cut a swath of destruction with atrocious plastics, hideous colors, and terrifying noise-makers!



Laura and Eleanor awoke to discover their apartment had been overrun!

"Help! Help! Help!"



"Run, Eleanor, run!!!"



"You can't escape from me!!"



What about my carefully considered West Elm shelving unit, decorated with Artesenal pottery and coffee table books about Frank Gehry?



Fie on you! I will use every square inch of your furniture for storing diapers and burp cloths! I will rip the words "neat" and "tidy" from your vocabulary!



I will hang plastic mobiles in every corner of your home!



Beware the sedative powers of aquatic themes!



Beware the hypnotic pull of lime-green, machine washable vinyl!



Beware of "Jumpin' Jazz" playing on a never-ending continuous loop!



Just when it looked like all would be lost, a light emerged from the end of the tunnel. Or rather, from the eco-friendly flourescent light bulb in the hallway. Daddy came home, and he was ready to reuse and recycle.



With his laptop and wireless internet connection, Daddy typed in the secret code: www.craigslist.org. Ads were placed. Emails were sent. Appointments were made.



And faster than you can say, "Made in China," an angel from heaven arrived on their doorstep, with the one thing that stops Count Crapula in his tracks...CASH.

"Not the bumbo! Not the bumbo!" Count Crapula cried.
"Begone, Count Crapula! Don't show your face around here again!"



"I'll go....for now. But beware! This isn't the end of me! Let's just say I call Barney and Pokeman my good, good friends. See you in a few years! Mwahhh Ha ha ha ha!!!! Mwah Ha ha ha!!!